Seriously?

So. I just saw another article on slate. It annoyed me and I didn't even read it. It was titled "Sidelined: Why are there still no women coaching men's sports? And why don't we care?" Seriously? Is this seriously what we are coming to? We have already established that I am not a feminist...well I am, just not a liberal feminist. But surely it doesn't take a "rather conservative" girl to see that this is just craziness. Is there ever going to be a line that we don't cross? A line where we say, this is for men and this is for women? How about, just so we can be fair, men start throwing a little girl, hissy fit about the fact that they have to come up with the technology for men to start carrying babies yet. Come on men, don't just stand there, all happy with yourself and stuff, stand up for yourself, lets hear some whining about all the things that women get and can do that you can't. It's really out of control if you ask me. While I agree there does need to be a little regulation on how women are treated in the work force, such as being paid the same wage for the same work as men, being treated respectfully in the workplace. Those are just human decency issues. Women getting to coach a professional men's football team? That's girls being whiny girls, giving us all a bad name. Want to know why there are jobs that just are men's jobs? Because men and women are different. Made equal in the eyes of The Lord, but for different purposes. And you know what? God called what he had made good....the men and the women. When God called His creation good He meant that it was fitting of Him, which is perfection. God made the women to be a suitable helper for the man. Not his slave, maid, or servant. His helper, to counsel, encourage, advise, and uplift him. Not to take over, not to boss, not to control. Very few of us operate the way God intended, but that's the way it should be. We should not feel oppressed, controlled, or minimized by this. We should feel loved, honored, protected. God gave us a natural protector. And instead of appreciating it, we fight it, we say we can do it all on our own, we say we don't need the gift God gave to us. I'm not saying I'm perfect, it's hard to relinquish control. But I absolutely appreciate my husbands role in our life. He works, he does the dirty work, the hard work, the heavy work, he has the final say on big financial matters, among other things. I gladly do the "women's" work. I do the cooking, cleaning, the majority of the child care, the doctors visits, and so on and so on. I'm very glad I don't have to go to work everyday and instead get to be home with my kids. I'm so glad for the financial support and willing heart of my husband to let me stay home. He has an ugly job that he doesn't enjoy, but he does it so I can be home. That makes me feel loved. Why is it so unacceptable for women to be women and men to be men in this day and age? Why can't we just be happy being who we are, who God made us to be? Oh wait. That's right. We've decided that God didn't make us, that we climbed out of the slime and magically ended up this way. Well guess what, that idea stinks, bad. For one, because its wrong, and for two because it devalues human life. We didn't accidentally end up here by being the strongest or biggest or toughest. We are here, we are the way we are, because God wanted us this way and made us this way. He has a purpose for each of us, and He loves us. When we see this truth then we can live with that purpose. It's ok to be who we are, to do what we were made to do. Instead of feeling like we need to scratch and claw our way to the top so we can stay the biggest, strongest, and toughest. I hope I never see the day that women coach professional men's sports. I won't feel like its a victory for women, but instead a defeat. Maybe more like a forfeiture, because it will be something we gave away, not something that was taken. You know I did read one little snippet of the article. There was apparently a women who was the head coach of an NBA development team, she seemingly did well, was respected, and guess what? She quit after one year in the position to go home and spend more time with her son....Interesting.

Why Did I Do That?

So I've spent the last 36 hours or so being sick. Nothing too terrible, just a little virus it seems. I'm certain I'll be 100% by morning, ready to face another week. My kids are old enough now to kinda take care of themselves. My oldest daughter, the little mother, very sweetly made sure her little sisters had the things they couldn't reach or take care of themselves and then repeatedly checked on me, asking if I was hungry or needed anything to drink. Such a princess she is. She made lunch for everyone. She sat near me a lot, as she often does. She's a mamas girl and I mostly love it. She's very mild mannered and easy to get along with, she's got a good sense of humor, she's extremely helpful and just wants so much to learn to do all the "domestic" stuff. She will often quietly do a little chore that I have a hard time keeping up with, without being asked or expecting any reward or privilege in return. She likes to be home, doesn't always want to go do things if I'm not going to go also. She's just a sweetheart, and I love her uncontrollably. And she took care of me all day. And then at bed time, I wasn't happy with how clean her room was and I yelled at her. And she cried. I hurt her feelings. I can't help but think that she was thinking. "I took care of you all day, why are you mad at me about this". I know that's what I'm thinking. So now it's late, my guilt is nagging at me, and she is sound asleep, as she should be, so I can't apologize to her. I failed again. I got angry about something dumb, unimportant. I never thought I'd be that mom who hurt her kids feelings over dumb, unimportant things. But I do, a lot I think. I hope that's not what they remember about me when they are grown. I hope I am able to show them that they are treasured and adored and valuable and special and more important than a messy room.

Bridezilla? No Thanks!

So I was just reading an article about a women who eloped, in it she put forth her reasons for why it was the right thing to do. Like how much time and money it takes to put a wedding together. And it got me thinking. When did we get into this era of bridezillas being acceptable/normal?? Have you ever watched that show? Or worse, had a little bridezilla in your life? I just don't get it. These two people want to get married. So that means that all the people they"love most" have to come together, throw expensive parties for them, be their errand girl, act like they are a flawless princess, make sure no one stresses them out, spend considerable amounts of money on the clothes for that one day, and I'm sure the list could go on and on. I really don't get it. I don't buy the well I spent a lot of money on the planning and dinner so...still was your choice. I just really hate the culture that says this is the way it is now. Where everything needs to be more elaborate, more indulgent, more self centered. I had the simplest wedding. My hubby and I had a child when we were teenagers. We decided to get married two months after he was born. It was all planned in like a week. Only our immediate family was invited and we had hot dogs at my brothers house afterwards. I'm not going to act like it was what I always dreamed of as little girl, but I was just as married as anyone else by the end of the day. We always said we would have a real wedding in a year or two, but the realities of life hit us...a child to raise, a second baby on the way by our 1st anniversary, finances, time, and in all honesty, interest. We lost interest. Life goes on, the one thing I really feel I missed out on is the pictures. We didn't have a professional photographer and my hair turned out to be an atrocity that day. None of the pictures we have are or ever will be displayed in our house...I kinda regret that for my 3 daughters sake. But there are more important things than a big elaborate wedding. I'm not saying they are inherently self centered. Weddings are a beautiful thing to share with your loves ones, but they sure can turn in to a "me me me fest". Why do we have to be so self centered in this country? Why do we feel the need to appear better than those around us? What happened to the weddings that served only cake and punch (for the record, I do not encourage or recommend only serving cake and punch, despite my ranting I expect a full meal when I go to a wedding. What I'm really referring to when I say that is a change of attitude, not menu). I think we need to just stop being so stuck up and prideful and selfish. That's all. Ok, there's one more thing I missed out on. I never registered for or received the standard gifts to start a household. We had to slowly put all that together ourselves...but maybe that's not such a bad thing, I don't have all the nicest accessories and place settings and dishes and bath towels. I have what I earned. What we could afford with what we worked for. I don't know, I think kinda think that might be the best thing we got from our wedding.

Wife Needed

So I'm a conservative gal...one could even say I'm rather conservative. But I'll tell you one thing, there are times when I totally get the polygamy thing. Like tonight, I'm tired, I'm kinda done with this week already. But my house is a mess, my laundry needs some of my undivided attention, my kitchen is half clean (because my hubby was kind enough to do the dishes while I had child #3 at soccer, therefore it is not 100% dirty...or clean), and to top it all off-I've had a significant case of pms this week....maybe 2 weeks. So with all that said, I could use another wife. You know how on that show two of the wives work and one is like the stay at home mom. And she's there when the kids get home and she makes dinner and does laundry and shopping and the other ones work all day and then come home and dinner is made and they sit down and eat...kinda like a lot of men normally do. It's because those two who work have a wife. They have a wife that does all the wife/mom things. I need one of those. Someone who keeps things going when I don't feel like it. One time I was sick for several weeks. And I mean super sick, like sick in bed could barely getup to use the bathroom sick for several weeks. My hubby was telling me that he was keeping up with the house out there, but bless his heart, it took me more than a week to get my house back in running condition when I was finally back on my feet. This is because he is not a wife. He very willingly let's me stay home. It was really tough in the early years to give up a second income, but we made the choice and started trying to live with it. Now I am convinced that having a stay at home wife really changes things in a mans mind. I think men become convinced that if they have a stay at home wife, who brings in no money, then they in return should have to do no work at home, should be waited on like a king or something. Now, while I can agree and accept that when one spouse doesn't work, the division of labor in the home should be aligned differently than when both spouses work....I get that, I'm down with it, I wanted to stay home, that's what I signed up for. But people, please. There has to be a boundary. A line where the man steps in and takes care of things and the household carries on. Rare is the man who can do this. What my husband calls clean is not what I call clean. But there is a perfectly good explanation for this. He's a man, a husband to be exact. Not a wife. I need me a wife to pick up where I just can't quite pull it all together. Yep, a wife would be awesome. Now if she tries sleeping with my hubby....there's going to be problems.

I Should Have This Figured Out

So, my hubby and I have been married for over 11 years, we have an 11, 9, and two 7 year olds. I have been a stay at home mom full time for the last 7 years, and off and on for about two years before that. I really enjoy being home. I have not always enjoyed the house work, but in more recent years have grown to embrace and even enjoy being a home maker, and all that it entails. So here is the problem. Why can't I keep up with it all the time. Why is it that one week I keep up with it all like I'm Martha Stewart, and the next week it's like I've been thrown into an alternative universe and I don't know how it operates. I get behind in the laundry, I just can't quite get the kitchen really pulled together. And I just sit on the couch and wonder what to do with it all. Eh. Oh well. Surely I'm not the only one. Surely there are other moms who have their acts together one day and are train wrecks the next. I'm just gonna keep telling myself that.

But I Don't Want To Be The Mom Today

My house is a wreck, I need to work on my laundry, I need to homeschool my daughter, I can't even remember the last time my bedroom and bathroom were clean. I'm sitting here thinking of all the things I need to do, but all I want to do is take a nap. I want to take a nap and not wake up sweaty. I'm so over the heat around here, sometimes it feels like all we have is summer. I want a nice fall and winter. My kids still aren't doing their chores. All this brings me to my profound thought of the day: Being a mom is hard. I'm tired, I want a break. Like a real one, not just 30 minutes here and there. I'm tired, worn down...being a mom is hard. And then I feel guilty. I don't want to be tired of being a mom. I don't want to be a grouchy mom. But I am. I want to enjoy my little lovies. Their time with me is fleeting. I wish my tired body and mind would realize that....but it doesn't seem to care. I know I'll feel better, I'll drink my Pepsi, I'll take a nap, I'll get caught up on my house work, and I'll think for a few minutes that I have this down...until the next time it gets out of control.

The New Feminist

So, I in no way would be interested in starting a big debate or controversy. I believe what I believe, and I believe you are entitled to believe what you want to believe. It's unlikely that anyone is going to cause me to change my views, and I can understand and accept that it's unlikely I'll change yours. I'm ok with all that. But I do have very strong views about a lot of things. I was raised very conservatively and I have remained conservative. I think conservatives make themselves look bad. I'm not a liberal and don't like or agree with pretty much anything they stand for. So that's where I'm coming from. But the point here today is to talk about feminism. I hate what feminism has become. It doesn't empower women. I honestly don't know much about what feminists believe and promote other than that a woman can do everything a man can do and that no one can tell a women what to do with her body (meaning she should be free to abort any baby she doesn't feel like having). So since I can not eloquently or accurately comment on what liberal feminism is, I will instead comment on what real feminism should be. Women should love being women and embrace all that it entails. Why in the world would we want to do everything that men do, we are not men...we are women. In my house, I don't wash the cars, I don't do yardwork, I don't take the car to the mechanic, I don't move or lift heavy things, I don't answer the door when someone comes over unexpectedly late at night. My husband does these things, they are his role in our family, among other things. My role? I stay home and take care of our four children. I keep our house clean...relatively, I make my kids school lunches, make dinner every night. I give my kids a bath and put them to bed, I do the laundry, take my kids to school and pick them up, either my husband or myself go on every field trip they have, I take them to the Dr. and then take care of them when they are sick, I'm here when they fall and get hurt, when they argue, when they get their feelings hurt, I pull their teeth and I put their bandaids on. I homeschool my youngest daughter who has special needs, I babysit two kids who I love, I volunteer at my church...among other things. I love staying home. I've wanted to be home ever since I had my first child as a teenager. I want to be with my kids, I want to raise them, train them, love them, and just be there. I just want to be with my kids. This is feminism...being feminine. I don't want to do everything men do because I'm not a man. I'm a women and I take great joy in doing what women do. Wouldn't it be amazing if this became the new feminism? If women went home and took care of their kids and enjoyed it. If society didn't tell women they weren't contributing if they weren't working outside their homes, if we quit buying the lie that jobs and positions and titles and money could make us happy. If we quit thinking that having every THING is what life is about, if we could quit chasing THINGS, and start chasing relationships. Wouldn't the world...or at least America be a different place. Women be women, do it proudly, do it well. Let men be men, let them do it well. It's ok to play our role. It's ok! I totally realize this can't work for everyone. There are single moms, or families that just really require two incomes to get by. I get that, I understand. But if you can stay home with your kids, and be a home maker, then quit buying the lie that you can do more for the world by working. There's no better use of your time and your life than to be there with your kids. Here's the bottom line for me. The question has been asked of numerous conservative families. Are you just raising your daughters to be moms? Whew, that makes my blood boil a little. The answer is yes! I want grand children so I am very hopeful that I am raising my daughters to be mothers. I hope they desire and are given the option and choose to be stay at home moms. Here's why: if they think they want to be moms I hope it's because they have seen and appreciated the value in what I have spent my life doing for them. So I think real feminism is letting women do what women were made to do, not telling them they are worthless unless they do everything the men do.

Frustration

So I'm frustrated this week. Just frustrated. My kids haven't been doing their chores. My son (who does so well in school, like seriously is super smart) is so slow and not diligent at doing his homework that I feel it is my duty as an (allegedly) responsible parent to take him out of after school activities. My car needs new brakes...again. My dog just can't quite get house trained.... I'm sure I could come up with a few others if I put my mind to it. It's all just annoying. I've had other periods of life when I felt this same annoyance. It was when my kids were much younger. I felt like all I did was laundry. Like I could never really get caught up on it, almost like it controlled my life. One day I was working on it, it was a mound. I was overwhelmed and feeling unappreciated. I was really complaining on the inside, pretty much had a really terrible attitude. Then something happened that I'll never forget. God spoke to me. It wasn't audible. But it was so impressed on my heart that it was unmistakeable. God said to me, "Would it be better if there was only 3 sets of clothes instead of 4...would your life be easier then?". I froze. I looked at my laundry for my family of 6. What really stood out to me was all the baby clothes for my twins. My precious twins. I almost lost one of my twins to bacterial meningitis. She very nearly died and nothing but God's hand of grace and mercy saved her. So, I got over my pity party. I folded and hung up those clothes. All the while thinking about how much I adored the little bodies that had dirtied them. I still don't like laundry, I still on occasion have to go back to that moment and remember what God taught me. Remember how blessed I am. How the boring, unpleasant, mundanities of being a stay at home mom are really the result of being extremely blessed. I have a lot of laundry because I have 4 kids running around, having fun, getting dirty. I have lots of dishes because I have 4 healthy kids who eat food that I am blessed by God to be able to provide for them. There was a time I didn't believe my kids would ever grow up, but I now know this time is fleeting. I want to enjoy it, not begrudge it. I am blessed far beyond what I deserve. Its so easy to get caught up in our own "problems" and forget about our blessings. There are people truly suffering in this world...my car's brakes don't count as suffering. There are people suffering the heartbreak of losing a child...I have 4 sweet kids to tuck in every night, even though they haven't done their chores. So, today I will choose thankfulness. For my house, aging car, my hubby, my precious kids. My life is good, there is absolutely nothing for me to complain about...thank you Lord!