Man Sick

So my hubs is sick. I don't think it's the flu...hopefully it won't turn into the flu either. I love this man. He is my partner in life, he works a job he hates so I can stay home with our kids, he puts up with me and all my hormonal craziness, he has made many changes in his life over the last 4 years, all for the best. I want him to feel better...very soon. The problem is that I can't stand taking care of him. He is such a baby when he is sick and it drives me crazy!! Man colds and man sickness is a very real thing. The way it works in our house is that when one parent is sick, they are quarantined into our room. We try our best to keep the kids out and the sick one just rests. So that means they are mostly in their alone. I only go in their to take him food and such. But here's the thing. When I go in their he can't just be like, "I need more water" or " I would like some menudo" or "I need more Motrin". No, that would be far too easy. Instead, whenever I come in the room he moans and groans...like a baby who can't talk, people...and just in general acts like he's dying. He tells me he's hungry at 8:30 in the morning. He doesn't say what he wants, just that he's hungry. So I bring him a bowl of cereal. His cereal. His gluten free cereal that he bought when he went to the store, which leads me to believe that he must like this cereal. I bring it to him. As he goes to all the great effort it requires to sit up in bed...since he's dying...and looks into the bowl it's not gratitude or appreciation I get from him. No no, he says "what's this". He looks at it, getting a few spoonfuls and dropping them back into the bowl as if it was gruel or something. And says, "Oh, its not menudo? Should I even be having milk? Won't that make me all phlegmy?"...It's so annoying. It makes me want to put him out of his misery...in the most loving way possible. He just drives me crazy. So here I am on the couch, I don't sleep with him to try and avoid his germs. So I'm sleeping on the couch, I'm doing all the regular housework and child care, and I'm having to deal with him. It's too much. It turns my normal delightful demeanor into one...less than delightful. I hope no one else gets it, though I am a nicer nurse to my children than to him. I mainly hope he feels better soon...real soon.

No Halloween Here

So, we decided to skip Halloween this year. Not for any religious or political reason. We are Christians, but I've never felt that boycotting Halloween was a requirement for being saved. My parents didn't allow us to participate in Halloween and I always hated it, I didn't want to do that to my kids. I did go back and forth a little between how I was raised and making my own decision and finally decided that we would let our kids trick or treat. We usually only went to a few of the streets near ours. And once their buckets were full or they were bored and wanted to start digging in then we would head home. We never did the neighborhood hopping or running around all night trying to fill up a whole pillow case with candy. I don't understand why parents would want their kids to go out and collect that much candy. Just a few houses and we were done. Last year we only handed out candy because two of my kids were gone to a previous commitment and the other two and I just stayed home for a quiet night. This year we kinda planned to do the same. Not go out, but just have some activities at home and hand out candy. Then one of my girls said. " I don't really want to hand out candy." What? Uh, ok. Fine by me. So instead the girls helped me make dinner and pumpkin rolls (a fall must have in our family), and we watched a movie and painted pumpkins. It was fun. My girls really helped me in the kitchen, with minimal squabbling, and helped make a task I wasn't really looking forward to much more bearable. And it was nice to have a quiet but fun evening. This was our first time to paint pumpkins. It was fun, though I did get a little stressed by all the mess we had already made, and started to get a little overwhelmed. But it was a fun evening and I think my kids enjoyed it too. I hope we've found our new Halloween tradition because it was fun, peaceful, and so much cheaper than buying four costumes and candy to hand out. I'm am totally in no way usually a fun mom. I am a business mom. I have work to do, and I have four kids with a four year age difference from oldest to youngest, they can just play with each other. But this is truly one of my biggest regrets of mothering so far. That I didn't sit down and just be with my kids. I've always been here, they are "with me", but I'm always busy. So it's nice when I plan something to be fun, and it actually turns out that way.

And My Heart Heals a Little More

So I have four kids. Three of them are very typical, all American type kids. They play soccer and basketball, are involved in our church, get good grades, get along with others...just normal, typical kids. I love each of them dearly. They are precious gifts. Then I have my 4th child...she is one of my twins, but she is technically the youngest. She's not so typical, doesn't really do well in school. She is handicapped. She had bacterial meningitis when she was three weeks old and has a severe brain injury. She has many small issues. She's legally blind, profoundly deaf in one ear, she has cerebral palesy, hydrocephalus, in the last year or so she's developed a seizure problem that we thought we were past and, is just generally developmentally delayed. She has some relatively minor behavior issues that can be contributed partially to her seizure medicine that causes personality changes and partially to being babied a bit...just a bit;). I believe she will always live with me, or at least require some degree of care, she'll never drive, she'll likely never marry or have children, she won't go to the prom or to college, she won't have grandchildren or someone to grow old with. Now, on paper, she might seem like quite a large responsibility, and she is. But there's no way you can possibly make an accurate assessment of her on paper. She is so much more than all those issues. She has a good sense of humor, she's funny and sassy. She's incredibly friendly and accepting of anyone who is friendly back. She's so loving, and appreciative of the simplest things. She's very smart in her own way, and works very hard at trying to figure out her school work and the world around her. She enjoys life and rarely seems to realize that she has limitations. She sometimes says things she shouldn't because she doesn't filter very well. These are all things you can't tell by reading about her issues on paper, or seeing her go by in her wheelchair (that she has just for when we are going to out for along time...she can walk). She is ridiculously precious and I treasure her like nothing else. Because she wasn't supposed to survive the meningitis, and when she did they said her brain damage was so bad that she would never be anything more than a vegetable. That's excruciating news, nothing any parent would want or should have to deal with. There were times when I honestly thought I might die from having a broken heart. I definitely felt like I didn't want to live with that broken heart. But here we are, 7 years down the road from those most terrible days. Things are not perfect, she still has many issues and obstacles in her life. But my heart has healed. There are moments it's still broken...for the child I thought I'd have, for the experiences she won't get to have...for what could have been I guess. But we have healed a great deal in 7 years. She brings us so much joy and laughter and happiness, there's no way we couldn't have healed a little. There are moments that hurt our hearts for our precious daughter. Like when we quietly leave her with her grandma while we go do something that is not appropriate for her, or when she wants to do something she is physically unable to do, when we see her twin sister doing things that we can only hope she will do someday in the future. Then there are moments that heal our hearts. Like when she started to smile, started to talk, started to walk at three and a half. This weekend we had a moment that healed our hearts, I'm still on cloud nine over it. There is a soccer league for handicapped kids. When I looked into it before we all agreed that she was too small and fragile. Well, as I was walking out to my sons game this week we ran across the handicapped group. I stopped and talked to the leader just to get some info for next year. Much to my surprise and unbelievable delight they welcomed her to start playing right that instant. They gave her a uniform and off she went. She is so happy. SO HAPPY. She feels like she is just like her brother and sisters now. It's super precious...and my heart heals a little more.

Wife Needed

So I'm a conservative gal...one could even say I'm rather conservative. But I'll tell you one thing, there are times when I totally get the polygamy thing. Like tonight, I'm tired, I'm kinda done with this week already. But my house is a mess, my laundry needs some of my undivided attention, my kitchen is half clean (because my hubby was kind enough to do the dishes while I had child #3 at soccer, therefore it is not 100% dirty...or clean), and to top it all off-I've had a significant case of pms this week....maybe 2 weeks. So with all that said, I could use another wife. You know how on that show two of the wives work and one is like the stay at home mom. And she's there when the kids get home and she makes dinner and does laundry and shopping and the other ones work all day and then come home and dinner is made and they sit down and eat...kinda like a lot of men normally do. It's because those two who work have a wife. They have a wife that does all the wife/mom things. I need one of those. Someone who keeps things going when I don't feel like it. One time I was sick for several weeks. And I mean super sick, like sick in bed could barely getup to use the bathroom sick for several weeks. My hubby was telling me that he was keeping up with the house out there, but bless his heart, it took me more than a week to get my house back in running condition when I was finally back on my feet. This is because he is not a wife. He very willingly let's me stay home. It was really tough in the early years to give up a second income, but we made the choice and started trying to live with it. Now I am convinced that having a stay at home wife really changes things in a mans mind. I think men become convinced that if they have a stay at home wife, who brings in no money, then they in return should have to do no work at home, should be waited on like a king or something. Now, while I can agree and accept that when one spouse doesn't work, the division of labor in the home should be aligned differently than when both spouses work....I get that, I'm down with it, I wanted to stay home, that's what I signed up for. But people, please. There has to be a boundary. A line where the man steps in and takes care of things and the household carries on. Rare is the man who can do this. What my husband calls clean is not what I call clean. But there is a perfectly good explanation for this. He's a man, a husband to be exact. Not a wife. I need me a wife to pick up where I just can't quite pull it all together. Yep, a wife would be awesome. Now if she tries sleeping with my hubby....there's going to be problems.

I Should Have This Figured Out

So, my hubby and I have been married for over 11 years, we have an 11, 9, and two 7 year olds. I have been a stay at home mom full time for the last 7 years, and off and on for about two years before that. I really enjoy being home. I have not always enjoyed the house work, but in more recent years have grown to embrace and even enjoy being a home maker, and all that it entails. So here is the problem. Why can't I keep up with it all the time. Why is it that one week I keep up with it all like I'm Martha Stewart, and the next week it's like I've been thrown into an alternative universe and I don't know how it operates. I get behind in the laundry, I just can't quite get the kitchen really pulled together. And I just sit on the couch and wonder what to do with it all. Eh. Oh well. Surely I'm not the only one. Surely there are other moms who have their acts together one day and are train wrecks the next. I'm just gonna keep telling myself that.