Man Sick

So my hubs is sick. I don't think it's the flu...hopefully it won't turn into the flu either. I love this man. He is my partner in life, he works a job he hates so I can stay home with our kids, he puts up with me and all my hormonal craziness, he has made many changes in his life over the last 4 years, all for the best. I want him to feel better...very soon. The problem is that I can't stand taking care of him. He is such a baby when he is sick and it drives me crazy!! Man colds and man sickness is a very real thing. The way it works in our house is that when one parent is sick, they are quarantined into our room. We try our best to keep the kids out and the sick one just rests. So that means they are mostly in their alone. I only go in their to take him food and such. But here's the thing. When I go in their he can't just be like, "I need more water" or " I would like some menudo" or "I need more Motrin". No, that would be far too easy. Instead, whenever I come in the room he moans and groans...like a baby who can't talk, people...and just in general acts like he's dying. He tells me he's hungry at 8:30 in the morning. He doesn't say what he wants, just that he's hungry. So I bring him a bowl of cereal. His cereal. His gluten free cereal that he bought when he went to the store, which leads me to believe that he must like this cereal. I bring it to him. As he goes to all the great effort it requires to sit up in bed...since he's dying...and looks into the bowl it's not gratitude or appreciation I get from him. No no, he says "what's this". He looks at it, getting a few spoonfuls and dropping them back into the bowl as if it was gruel or something. And says, "Oh, its not menudo? Should I even be having milk? Won't that make me all phlegmy?"...It's so annoying. It makes me want to put him out of his misery...in the most loving way possible. He just drives me crazy. So here I am on the couch, I don't sleep with him to try and avoid his germs. So I'm sleeping on the couch, I'm doing all the regular housework and child care, and I'm having to deal with him. It's too much. It turns my normal delightful demeanor into one...less than delightful. I hope no one else gets it, though I am a nicer nurse to my children than to him. I mainly hope he feels better soon...real soon.

Why Did I Do That?

So I've spent the last 36 hours or so being sick. Nothing too terrible, just a little virus it seems. I'm certain I'll be 100% by morning, ready to face another week. My kids are old enough now to kinda take care of themselves. My oldest daughter, the little mother, very sweetly made sure her little sisters had the things they couldn't reach or take care of themselves and then repeatedly checked on me, asking if I was hungry or needed anything to drink. Such a princess she is. She made lunch for everyone. She sat near me a lot, as she often does. She's a mamas girl and I mostly love it. She's very mild mannered and easy to get along with, she's got a good sense of humor, she's extremely helpful and just wants so much to learn to do all the "domestic" stuff. She will often quietly do a little chore that I have a hard time keeping up with, without being asked or expecting any reward or privilege in return. She likes to be home, doesn't always want to go do things if I'm not going to go also. She's just a sweetheart, and I love her uncontrollably. And she took care of me all day. And then at bed time, I wasn't happy with how clean her room was and I yelled at her. And she cried. I hurt her feelings. I can't help but think that she was thinking. "I took care of you all day, why are you mad at me about this". I know that's what I'm thinking. So now it's late, my guilt is nagging at me, and she is sound asleep, as she should be, so I can't apologize to her. I failed again. I got angry about something dumb, unimportant. I never thought I'd be that mom who hurt her kids feelings over dumb, unimportant things. But I do, a lot I think. I hope that's not what they remember about me when they are grown. I hope I am able to show them that they are treasured and adored and valuable and special and more important than a messy room.

Frustration

So I'm frustrated this week. Just frustrated. My kids haven't been doing their chores. My son (who does so well in school, like seriously is super smart) is so slow and not diligent at doing his homework that I feel it is my duty as an (allegedly) responsible parent to take him out of after school activities. My car needs new brakes...again. My dog just can't quite get house trained.... I'm sure I could come up with a few others if I put my mind to it. It's all just annoying. I've had other periods of life when I felt this same annoyance. It was when my kids were much younger. I felt like all I did was laundry. Like I could never really get caught up on it, almost like it controlled my life. One day I was working on it, it was a mound. I was overwhelmed and feeling unappreciated. I was really complaining on the inside, pretty much had a really terrible attitude. Then something happened that I'll never forget. God spoke to me. It wasn't audible. But it was so impressed on my heart that it was unmistakeable. God said to me, "Would it be better if there was only 3 sets of clothes instead of 4...would your life be easier then?". I froze. I looked at my laundry for my family of 6. What really stood out to me was all the baby clothes for my twins. My precious twins. I almost lost one of my twins to bacterial meningitis. She very nearly died and nothing but God's hand of grace and mercy saved her. So, I got over my pity party. I folded and hung up those clothes. All the while thinking about how much I adored the little bodies that had dirtied them. I still don't like laundry, I still on occasion have to go back to that moment and remember what God taught me. Remember how blessed I am. How the boring, unpleasant, mundanities of being a stay at home mom are really the result of being extremely blessed. I have a lot of laundry because I have 4 kids running around, having fun, getting dirty. I have lots of dishes because I have 4 healthy kids who eat food that I am blessed by God to be able to provide for them. There was a time I didn't believe my kids would ever grow up, but I now know this time is fleeting. I want to enjoy it, not begrudge it. I am blessed far beyond what I deserve. Its so easy to get caught up in our own "problems" and forget about our blessings. There are people truly suffering in this world...my car's brakes don't count as suffering. There are people suffering the heartbreak of losing a child...I have 4 sweet kids to tuck in every night, even though they haven't done their chores. So, today I will choose thankfulness. For my house, aging car, my hubby, my precious kids. My life is good, there is absolutely nothing for me to complain about...thank you Lord!