Fail Trip

So. My sister, her two kids, my three daughters, and myself made a trip to Disneyland this week. The trip was iffy for about a week or so because I had been sick. I decided I was well enough to go and we went on with our plans. But it was off to a rough start from the very beginning. I never really got myself fully back in order after being sick before it was time to go. I am a big list maker. I just like to sit down and write out my plan and think it through and so on. Then once I have my list made I can get things done really quickly. But my house was a disaster...the kind of disaster that takes place when a stay at home mom is sick in bed for over a week and the (not stay at home) hubs has to take over. Bad things happen to a house in such a situation. Anyhow, though I was feeling better, I didn't get my list made and I didn't get my house back in order. For me, this was two big strikes on my trip because these are two things that feel like a necessity for me to go out of town. The day finally came. It's the kids last day of school (exciting), I have a doctors appointment, and another appointment, I have packed nothing, my house is a disaster, I need to go shopping for the food/snacks I will take with me, I have no list...seems like potentially more than two strikes. I get all these other things taken care of (except for the cleaning) and I'm down to the packing. As I'm packing I say to the hubs, "Hubs, could you get the annual passes out." The annual passes are important, they are our tickets into the park, our tickets into the park that are already paid for. I have a phobia of forgetting them, of getting to Disneyland without our passes that we already paid much money for. So my hubs proceeds to look as I continue to pack. The packing is going well. We are only going to be gone two nights, we really don't need much. Problem...Hubs can't find the annual passes. Boo. I keep packing, sure they will show up. Hubs lets me know that he really can't find them and doesn't know where else to look. I say, "Hubs, how could this be." He thinks he threw the away. As I'm sure anyone can tell, time has just momentarily stood still. Here's the situation. I am, in a very disorganized fashion, about to leave for a funfilled trip to Disneyland with my sister (who has herself just spent much money on tickets). My hubs can not locate the tickets that we have already spent much money on. This does not make me happy. This, in fact, upsets me. So I'm going to make what is becoming a long story short, I call Disneyland, they inform me I can just one time get a temporary pass for no additional charge. This is good, because I don't know if I've mentioned this or not but I've already spent much money on our annual passes and I'm not super interested in spending more. So. We get on our way. Late. Like I want to say about 8:00pm for what promises to be a solid 4-5 hour drive. These are the things that happen when I don't make a list. Nothing eventful happens on the way. Being so late the traffic is good, my sister and I only yell at each other once I think. We get there, very late, very tired, but fairly safe, and it had been like 2 hours since we yelled at each other so we were over it. We go right to sleep. And we sleep pretty good. But something funny happens the next morning. My sister gets her first introduction to how I don't travel one day and then move quickly in the morning the next. She was very gracious to me about it because she thought I was still getting over being sick...little does she know that even with perfect, optimal health I wouldn't be moving any faster. That's just me. It's part of my charm. So we finally make it on over to the magic kingdom. I want to say its almost noon. We get in line to get my temporary passes. I mention to her that we are coming back the next day, so I actually need 2 day passes. Simple enough. She then brings up an excellent, yet previously unnoticed point-my season passes are blacked out for the 2nd day. I stand there, and say, "Oh really?" It just then occures to me that I never checked the blackout dates, I just decided I wanted to go to Disneyland and then I went in a disorganized manner. So here's the situation. I'm at Disneyland with my kids, my sister, and her kids. I can only get in to the park one of the two days we had planned to go, I will not pay the $280 it would cost for them to let me in on a blackout day. My sister has already paid for two days which costs much more than one day and I'm fairly certain she might kill me. Fortunately she had already been planning to upgrade her tickets to season passes. They give you dollar for dollar credit for the tickets you already bought when you do this. So she does not really lose any money, and she does not kill me. We finally make our way into the park. At which time we learn that Disneyland is actually closing at 7:00pm on this blessed day....we had kind of expected 10:00pm or maybe midnight, but once again we didn't check ahead of time so really how were we to know. So, ok, there's nothing we can do but get in there and make the best of it. So we did. We had fun. We had the blessing of my precious handicapped child who got us through a lot of lines faster. Can I just say that if you've never gone to Disneyland with a handicapped person, you should. It is amazing. Of course, there are some rides my daughter can not go on because she is in fact handicapped, this isn't some sort scam we are pulling. She doesn't go on any of the really fast, jerky rides. So no Matterhorn, California Screamin, Space Mountain,or oddly enough Tea Cups...those really fling you around people. But these are in the minority at Disneyland, that is why we like it. But all the normal, nice rides? We are all over that handicap line. Now I'm about to reveal something a little embarrassing. We didn't get to Disneyland until noon...we did not stay till it closed either. I'm sure my sister could have made it, but she later told me that she thought maybe I really wasn't feeling well enough to be there, and she felt kinda bad, and she had mercy on my poor, out of shape soul. And we left before it closed. We went out to a wonderful dinner and then we went to bed and I'm pretty sure I didn't roll over or otherwise move all night, I was beat. So the next day was full of plenty of adventure of its own. We ended up labeling our trip "Fail Trip". But we did have fun, I'm glad I got to go with just my sister. I'm glad she didn't kill me over the tickets, and I'm also glad to be home.

Why Did I Do That?

So I've spent the last 36 hours or so being sick. Nothing too terrible, just a little virus it seems. I'm certain I'll be 100% by morning, ready to face another week. My kids are old enough now to kinda take care of themselves. My oldest daughter, the little mother, very sweetly made sure her little sisters had the things they couldn't reach or take care of themselves and then repeatedly checked on me, asking if I was hungry or needed anything to drink. Such a princess she is. She made lunch for everyone. She sat near me a lot, as she often does. She's a mamas girl and I mostly love it. She's very mild mannered and easy to get along with, she's got a good sense of humor, she's extremely helpful and just wants so much to learn to do all the "domestic" stuff. She will often quietly do a little chore that I have a hard time keeping up with, without being asked or expecting any reward or privilege in return. She likes to be home, doesn't always want to go do things if I'm not going to go also. She's just a sweetheart, and I love her uncontrollably. And she took care of me all day. And then at bed time, I wasn't happy with how clean her room was and I yelled at her. And she cried. I hurt her feelings. I can't help but think that she was thinking. "I took care of you all day, why are you mad at me about this". I know that's what I'm thinking. So now it's late, my guilt is nagging at me, and she is sound asleep, as she should be, so I can't apologize to her. I failed again. I got angry about something dumb, unimportant. I never thought I'd be that mom who hurt her kids feelings over dumb, unimportant things. But I do, a lot I think. I hope that's not what they remember about me when they are grown. I hope I am able to show them that they are treasured and adored and valuable and special and more important than a messy room.

Wife Needed

So I'm a conservative gal...one could even say I'm rather conservative. But I'll tell you one thing, there are times when I totally get the polygamy thing. Like tonight, I'm tired, I'm kinda done with this week already. But my house is a mess, my laundry needs some of my undivided attention, my kitchen is half clean (because my hubby was kind enough to do the dishes while I had child #3 at soccer, therefore it is not 100% dirty...or clean), and to top it all off-I've had a significant case of pms this week....maybe 2 weeks. So with all that said, I could use another wife. You know how on that show two of the wives work and one is like the stay at home mom. And she's there when the kids get home and she makes dinner and does laundry and shopping and the other ones work all day and then come home and dinner is made and they sit down and eat...kinda like a lot of men normally do. It's because those two who work have a wife. They have a wife that does all the wife/mom things. I need one of those. Someone who keeps things going when I don't feel like it. One time I was sick for several weeks. And I mean super sick, like sick in bed could barely getup to use the bathroom sick for several weeks. My hubby was telling me that he was keeping up with the house out there, but bless his heart, it took me more than a week to get my house back in running condition when I was finally back on my feet. This is because he is not a wife. He very willingly let's me stay home. It was really tough in the early years to give up a second income, but we made the choice and started trying to live with it. Now I am convinced that having a stay at home wife really changes things in a mans mind. I think men become convinced that if they have a stay at home wife, who brings in no money, then they in return should have to do no work at home, should be waited on like a king or something. Now, while I can agree and accept that when one spouse doesn't work, the division of labor in the home should be aligned differently than when both spouses work....I get that, I'm down with it, I wanted to stay home, that's what I signed up for. But people, please. There has to be a boundary. A line where the man steps in and takes care of things and the household carries on. Rare is the man who can do this. What my husband calls clean is not what I call clean. But there is a perfectly good explanation for this. He's a man, a husband to be exact. Not a wife. I need me a wife to pick up where I just can't quite pull it all together. Yep, a wife would be awesome. Now if she tries sleeping with my hubby....there's going to be problems.

I Should Have This Figured Out

So, my hubby and I have been married for over 11 years, we have an 11, 9, and two 7 year olds. I have been a stay at home mom full time for the last 7 years, and off and on for about two years before that. I really enjoy being home. I have not always enjoyed the house work, but in more recent years have grown to embrace and even enjoy being a home maker, and all that it entails. So here is the problem. Why can't I keep up with it all the time. Why is it that one week I keep up with it all like I'm Martha Stewart, and the next week it's like I've been thrown into an alternative universe and I don't know how it operates. I get behind in the laundry, I just can't quite get the kitchen really pulled together. And I just sit on the couch and wonder what to do with it all. Eh. Oh well. Surely I'm not the only one. Surely there are other moms who have their acts together one day and are train wrecks the next. I'm just gonna keep telling myself that.

But I Don't Want To Be The Mom Today

My house is a wreck, I need to work on my laundry, I need to homeschool my daughter, I can't even remember the last time my bedroom and bathroom were clean. I'm sitting here thinking of all the things I need to do, but all I want to do is take a nap. I want to take a nap and not wake up sweaty. I'm so over the heat around here, sometimes it feels like all we have is summer. I want a nice fall and winter. My kids still aren't doing their chores. All this brings me to my profound thought of the day: Being a mom is hard. I'm tired, I want a break. Like a real one, not just 30 minutes here and there. I'm tired, worn down...being a mom is hard. And then I feel guilty. I don't want to be tired of being a mom. I don't want to be a grouchy mom. But I am. I want to enjoy my little lovies. Their time with me is fleeting. I wish my tired body and mind would realize that....but it doesn't seem to care. I know I'll feel better, I'll drink my Pepsi, I'll take a nap, I'll get caught up on my house work, and I'll think for a few minutes that I have this down...until the next time it gets out of control.