But I Don't Want To Be The Mom Today

My house is a wreck, I need to work on my laundry, I need to homeschool my daughter, I can't even remember the last time my bedroom and bathroom were clean. I'm sitting here thinking of all the things I need to do, but all I want to do is take a nap. I want to take a nap and not wake up sweaty. I'm so over the heat around here, sometimes it feels like all we have is summer. I want a nice fall and winter. My kids still aren't doing their chores. All this brings me to my profound thought of the day: Being a mom is hard. I'm tired, I want a break. Like a real one, not just 30 minutes here and there. I'm tired, worn down...being a mom is hard. And then I feel guilty. I don't want to be tired of being a mom. I don't want to be a grouchy mom. But I am. I want to enjoy my little lovies. Their time with me is fleeting. I wish my tired body and mind would realize that....but it doesn't seem to care. I know I'll feel better, I'll drink my Pepsi, I'll take a nap, I'll get caught up on my house work, and I'll think for a few minutes that I have this down...until the next time it gets out of control.

The New Feminist

So, I in no way would be interested in starting a big debate or controversy. I believe what I believe, and I believe you are entitled to believe what you want to believe. It's unlikely that anyone is going to cause me to change my views, and I can understand and accept that it's unlikely I'll change yours. I'm ok with all that. But I do have very strong views about a lot of things. I was raised very conservatively and I have remained conservative. I think conservatives make themselves look bad. I'm not a liberal and don't like or agree with pretty much anything they stand for. So that's where I'm coming from. But the point here today is to talk about feminism. I hate what feminism has become. It doesn't empower women. I honestly don't know much about what feminists believe and promote other than that a woman can do everything a man can do and that no one can tell a women what to do with her body (meaning she should be free to abort any baby she doesn't feel like having). So since I can not eloquently or accurately comment on what liberal feminism is, I will instead comment on what real feminism should be. Women should love being women and embrace all that it entails. Why in the world would we want to do everything that men do, we are not men...we are women. In my house, I don't wash the cars, I don't do yardwork, I don't take the car to the mechanic, I don't move or lift heavy things, I don't answer the door when someone comes over unexpectedly late at night. My husband does these things, they are his role in our family, among other things. My role? I stay home and take care of our four children. I keep our house clean...relatively, I make my kids school lunches, make dinner every night. I give my kids a bath and put them to bed, I do the laundry, take my kids to school and pick them up, either my husband or myself go on every field trip they have, I take them to the Dr. and then take care of them when they are sick, I'm here when they fall and get hurt, when they argue, when they get their feelings hurt, I pull their teeth and I put their bandaids on. I homeschool my youngest daughter who has special needs, I babysit two kids who I love, I volunteer at my church...among other things. I love staying home. I've wanted to be home ever since I had my first child as a teenager. I want to be with my kids, I want to raise them, train them, love them, and just be there. I just want to be with my kids. This is feminism...being feminine. I don't want to do everything men do because I'm not a man. I'm a women and I take great joy in doing what women do. Wouldn't it be amazing if this became the new feminism? If women went home and took care of their kids and enjoyed it. If society didn't tell women they weren't contributing if they weren't working outside their homes, if we quit buying the lie that jobs and positions and titles and money could make us happy. If we quit thinking that having every THING is what life is about, if we could quit chasing THINGS, and start chasing relationships. Wouldn't the world...or at least America be a different place. Women be women, do it proudly, do it well. Let men be men, let them do it well. It's ok to play our role. It's ok! I totally realize this can't work for everyone. There are single moms, or families that just really require two incomes to get by. I get that, I understand. But if you can stay home with your kids, and be a home maker, then quit buying the lie that you can do more for the world by working. There's no better use of your time and your life than to be there with your kids. Here's the bottom line for me. The question has been asked of numerous conservative families. Are you just raising your daughters to be moms? Whew, that makes my blood boil a little. The answer is yes! I want grand children so I am very hopeful that I am raising my daughters to be mothers. I hope they desire and are given the option and choose to be stay at home moms. Here's why: if they think they want to be moms I hope it's because they have seen and appreciated the value in what I have spent my life doing for them. So I think real feminism is letting women do what women were made to do, not telling them they are worthless unless they do everything the men do.

Frustration

So I'm frustrated this week. Just frustrated. My kids haven't been doing their chores. My son (who does so well in school, like seriously is super smart) is so slow and not diligent at doing his homework that I feel it is my duty as an (allegedly) responsible parent to take him out of after school activities. My car needs new brakes...again. My dog just can't quite get house trained.... I'm sure I could come up with a few others if I put my mind to it. It's all just annoying. I've had other periods of life when I felt this same annoyance. It was when my kids were much younger. I felt like all I did was laundry. Like I could never really get caught up on it, almost like it controlled my life. One day I was working on it, it was a mound. I was overwhelmed and feeling unappreciated. I was really complaining on the inside, pretty much had a really terrible attitude. Then something happened that I'll never forget. God spoke to me. It wasn't audible. But it was so impressed on my heart that it was unmistakeable. God said to me, "Would it be better if there was only 3 sets of clothes instead of 4...would your life be easier then?". I froze. I looked at my laundry for my family of 6. What really stood out to me was all the baby clothes for my twins. My precious twins. I almost lost one of my twins to bacterial meningitis. She very nearly died and nothing but God's hand of grace and mercy saved her. So, I got over my pity party. I folded and hung up those clothes. All the while thinking about how much I adored the little bodies that had dirtied them. I still don't like laundry, I still on occasion have to go back to that moment and remember what God taught me. Remember how blessed I am. How the boring, unpleasant, mundanities of being a stay at home mom are really the result of being extremely blessed. I have a lot of laundry because I have 4 kids running around, having fun, getting dirty. I have lots of dishes because I have 4 healthy kids who eat food that I am blessed by God to be able to provide for them. There was a time I didn't believe my kids would ever grow up, but I now know this time is fleeting. I want to enjoy it, not begrudge it. I am blessed far beyond what I deserve. Its so easy to get caught up in our own "problems" and forget about our blessings. There are people truly suffering in this world...my car's brakes don't count as suffering. There are people suffering the heartbreak of losing a child...I have 4 sweet kids to tuck in every night, even though they haven't done their chores. So, today I will choose thankfulness. For my house, aging car, my hubby, my precious kids. My life is good, there is absolutely nothing for me to complain about...thank you Lord!

Where My Heart Is

So I read a story tonight that naturally had me in tears. It was about a man who does triathlons and such with his disabled 13 year old daughter. Very similar to the Hoyt family, which just makes me cry buckets. Besides just being human and having a heart, it really struck accord with me because I have a disabled child. She is not disabled to the same degree that this sweet girl is. She can walk and talk and do many things for herself. But she is handicapped. I think she'll probably always live with us, or at least require some level of care. It's so precious to see the love these parents have for these children. These are people that society writes off as invaluable, unimportant. People that we would look the other way when we see them. I shamefully admit that I too do this. Mostly out of discomfort, not knowing what to do. I don't want to make them feel as though I'm staring...but do I make them feel invisible? I don't know. I dont know how best to handle that situation. I do know this. I know why those men do that for their children. I know that I am overwhelmed with feelings for my daughter. I just quite simply adore her. I love all my children, I would do anything for each of them, but theres just something about my disabled daughter. I adore her. She is so completely precious to me. Maybe almost losing her changes my perspective? Maybe sorrow for the life she can't live? Maybe. Those things do make me sad. Break my heart really. She'll never get to play on the same sports teams with her twin sister. She'll never drive. She'll probably never live completely independently. She'll probably never get married or have children. Which means she'll never have grandchildren. Who will take care of her when I'm gone? Who will treat her the way I want her to be treated? Who will see how special and precious she is and treat her accordingly? These are all things that break and strike fear in my heart. I'm not 100% sure what the point is here tonight. I just know that I adore my daughter. I can't bear the thought of her being mistreated or treated like she is invalid, and inconvenience. She is so much more than the things that you see outwardly. She is my daughter, whom I love, whom I sacrifice for , whom I have cried countless tears over, who fills me with joy, for whom I gladly give up the plans I had for my life. So treat her well. And treat every disabled person you meet well because they have someone somewhere feeling all these same things for them...and if they don't? Then they deserve for you to treat them well even more. This is rambling and I think it doesn't make much sense. But it's my heart.

And Then My Life Was Changed

So, just about a year ago we got a dog. The kids had been wanting one F-O-R-E-V-E-R. Me? Not so much. I felt my kids were enough for me. I neither needed nor wanted anything else that poops. But, their disproportionate excitement over winning a goldfish at the fair and their subsequent devastation after said prize very predictably died two days later led my husband and I to think that perhaps it was time to get a real pet. We were not interested in investing much, if any, money in to this dog so that limited our options. Lucky for us we ended up getting a sweet dog from a friend who needed to find a new home for their dog. She was/is just perfect for us. Perfect temperament for annoying kids and just a super sweet dog....the perfect first pet. So we went on with our lives, dog now included. I noticed and became annoyed with the dog hair. It was kinda everywhere. I wear a lot of black clothes and our dog is primarily white...bad combo. I had this tinge of regret...why did we do this, I had enough dust and dirt in my house without adding in dog hair...oh well, the kids were far too attached, I was most definitely stuck with this dog. Then about 6 months ago my hubby starts thinking he wants another dog. Whaaaat? What? I like the one we have, why change things? But next thing I know we have another dog that another friend was needing a home for...whatever. This dog I'm not as thrilled with. She is extremely cute, but among other thing she is not fully house trained. This momma does not like that. But once again, the kids are attached, I'm stuck with her....and she is just melt you heart small and cute. Now summer is upon us...you know like when it's hot and dogs shed their coats. No bueno. So I'm pretty much feeling hopeless over the dog hair situation. My house is being over run with dog hair dust bunnies and I just can't keep up, my vacuum can't keep up. It was a bad situation. On most days there was about 0% chance that my kids were going to mke it out the door not being covered in dog hair. I was becoming a little despondent over the situation. Finally I decided it was time for a new vacuum. The old one was clearly not up to the challenge. So I started looking around. Well it seemed the vacuums most recommended for dealing with pet hair were a little out of my price range. And the ones in my price range had mixed reviews. I only have carpet in the bedrooms so I didn't feel like I wanted to spend a lot of money. So I was a little discouraged. I didn't want to waste money on something that wouldn't work and didn't want to spend a lot of money. And then I saw it. There was a coupon for a shark vacuum in the Costco coupons. It called out to me. From the prices I looked up on line it looked like this was a little out of my price range, but I just had to go and check it out when I made my monthly trip to Costco. Turns out that with the coupon it was right in my price range, like the exact price I was wanting to spend. So I snatched that thing right up. I assembled it as soon as I got home and went right to work. Now. To say that this vacuum is good is a gross understatement. This vacuum is FANTASTIC! Just perfect!! Vacuums up all the dog hair with ease and also is great on my floors that don't have carpet. My life is different now...better. I have been vacuuming anything and everything for days. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that the air quality in my house is better. I have cleaned things that I have never cleaned in the 7 years we have lives in this house. I want to clean just so I can use my fantabulous vacuum. It's a little crazy that I feel this way over a vacuum, but I do. I mean I'm a stay at home mom, what else do I have. I love my new shark vacuum. I would recommend it to anyone. It was well worth every penny I paid.

Been A While...Again

Wow, I guess it has been more than a little while. I actually am surprised that I could even still log in to this blog. But in truth, I would totally love to start blogging regularly. I have just recently become interested in reading other people's blogs, and I really enjoy it. And then I think to my self...I could do this...why don't I do this??...and then I thought to myself...wait, I have done this (briefly) and I could do it again. So it took a small amount of effort to look this blog back up and just like that, I'm back in business.
 So, all the things I said before are still holding true. I am still a stay at home mom, I am still loving it, I still have four kids (thank God!)...so I guess in the big picture everything is still the same from a few years back. But...actually everything is different. My kids are bigger for one:(. I don't have babies anymore. I have kids. They are all in school and are growing and maturing and it's so fun...mixed with sad;). I am homeschooling my special needs child. That is a challenge. I am very seriously considering homeschooling my other three children in the near future...that will be infinitely more challenging. We have made major changes in the way we parent our children and the future goals we have for our family...all for the best if you ask me. We are definitely not the people we were when I first started this blog. I am ready to embrace those changes and run with them. To stop caring what the world thinks and do what is right for my family. It is uncertain but exciting times around here, and I hope to start sharing it on this blog!

It's Been A While

So, as it turns out, this blogging thing is not as easy as I thought. It's not too easy to think of something interesting to say...very often. Though there are lots of moments of hilarity, there are also lots of moments of monotonous boredom in the life of a stay at home mom.
Does anyone really want to hear about how I can't quite keep up with my laundry? How you shouldn't drop in on me and expect my bathroom to be clean enough for company? How I can't even remember the last time my bedroom was clean?
There's not too much excitement in all of these daily facts of my life.
I guess the most exciting things that have happened recently is that I have had sick kids, a little strep throat has been going around. When I was at the pharmacy to pick up antibiotics, my son proudly announced my pin number to everyone in the vicinity after he watched me pay....go ahead and steal my pin, I assure you it won't be worth the criminal effort.
It's just been daily life around here: school, laundry, cooking, dishes, baths, Dr. appointments, naps....all the regular stuff.
I am quite excited that my little peanut is going to soon be getting hearing aides, that will be great! And I did, with a lot of help from my sister in law, give my new 7 year old a fabulously girly makeover party.
Other than that it has just been regular life around here.