How I Became A Mother

I love being a mother. I love staying home with my children, I love seeing all the funny things they do and say. I do run out of patience....often, but I still wouldn't change it for the world.
Sometimes I start to feel a little bit like I'm not contributing anything to society, like I would like to do more than I am, be important to someone other than the occupants of my house.
I hear so many women talk about their professions, what they do all day, the people they meet; and pathetically think to myself that the only thing I could add to the conversation is how quickly I can change a diaper and how it doesn't even gross me out when snot flies everywhere when my baby sneezes.
It can be quite isolating to have young children...especially when you have a multitude of them. Still, I would never want to miss these years of their lives. There will, hopefully, be so many more years that I can work, but I only have these few fleeting years when I can be home, and have them all to myself and let them have me all to themselves.
For this reason I love being a mother. I never thought that I would be here where I am at this point in my life.
I had my first child as a teenager. I found out I was pregnant a few months after I graduated from high school. It was shocking, I never thought that I would be that girl. I was raised in a very conservative Christian home, I knew better...but I did IT anyway. I was scared, I didn't know what to do. My family was nothing less than completely supportive even though they were disappointed. I went back and forth for months between keeping the baby and adoption. In the end I decided to keep the baby, his father was not supportive of adoption, and neither were my parents.
I had a baby boy. Two months later his father and I decided to get married.
I wasn't the best mother you will ever find. My new hubby and I both worked at night and stayed up late. Therefore, we let him stay up; therefore, we all slept late as well. I didn't feed him well....I propped his bottles up with a teddy bear and have pictures of him sitting in his crib eating french fries when he was less than a year old. He survived...he's actually my healthiest eater now.
I went on to be a baby making machine....or at least I felt that way. I had three more children in the next four year. In the interest of full disclosure, this does include a set of twins.
Eight years later I still am struggling with patience. I'm in my last year of having any children at home full time. My babies will be going to kindergarten, I'll be alone. Alone? I'm not sure I know what that is anymore. How will it feel? What will I do? I'm sure I'll figure it out!
There have been plenty of other challenges along the way....when to make the jump from working mother to stay at home mother, when to give up and buy the minivan, what to do with three daughters separated by only two years.
There have been more serious issues as well....the financial challenges of a growing family and shrinking income, a child's serious illness which turned into my biggest challenge as a motherin the form of a child with special needs.
Motherhood has definitely been a journey, a fun journey, a sleepless journey, a cute journey, a heartbreaking journey. I think I have felt every emotion. I have gone from the painful depths of the near death of one of my babies to the "joys" of taking four kids to Disneyland.
There's lots of challenges. I haven't enjoyed all of them, but I don't regret any of them. HOWEVER, if I am being completely honest, I do cringe to think about what is ahead.